


Netflix and Instant Kill

by seekrest



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Michelle Jones Needs a Hug, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Spider-Man: Far From Home Compliant, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Protective Michelle Jones, Protective Peter Parker, Relationship Issues, dating a superhero is not as easy as it seems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-30 06:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21423862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekrest/pseuds/seekrest
Summary: Peter laughs, putting his arm around her. “You know Sam almost dropped me the other day?”Michelle pauses, hand outstretched over the laptop before turning back to face him.“I’m sorry,what?”Or,Five times movie night revealed the issues that Spider-Man faced.And the one time it revealed something about Michelle.
Relationships: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Comments: 173
Kudos: 572





	1. Great British Bake Off.

**Author's Note:**

> Incredible shout out to [forasecondtherewedwon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForASecondThereWedWon) for the galaxy brain title idea. And special thanks to [blondsak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blondsak) and [frostysunflowers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/frostysunflowers) for helping me with the summary.
> 
> I am in love with 5+1s and won’t ever stop writing them DONT LOOK AT ME.

“What do you want to watch tonight?”

Michelle pursed her lips, leaning back as Peter readjusted the laptop on their laps. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, cuddled up under a massive blanket on Peter’s twin-sized bed but May was insistent on watching _ The Bachelorette _live - and so long as they kept the door open, didn’t seem to mind Michelle being in Peter’s room with him alone.

“We don’t _ have _ to watch something.” Michelle smirks, seeing Peter blush. The open door rule was a good one but that didn’t mean Michelle had ideas for how to get around that. 

She’s sixteen, Monday’s suck and she has a boyfriend with a six-pack, sue her. 

“If May catches us again, you know she’ll make good on her threat and get a baby monitor to watch us.” Peter whispered, even as she saw the mischievous glint in his eye.

“I _ guess _.” Michelle sighs, kissing him quickly enough that while it couldn’t possibly have caught Peter off guard, still made him smile. She leaned back into him, scrolling through their Netflix options.

“We could always watch _ Bake Off _again.” Peter suggested, Michelle shrugging.

“Yeah I guess but it’s just not the same without Mary Berry.” Peter snorts, Michelle turning to him. 

“I’m surprised you care that much. I thought you only watched it cause I did.”

“My life didn’t begin when I started dating you, Peter. Besides,” Michelle rolled her eyes before looking back to the screen, “_ Bake Off _reminds me that even in a competition, not everyone acts like assholes.”

Peter laughs, putting his arm around her. “Tell me about it. It’s like that with Sam anytime we’re out. You know he almost dropped me the other day?”

Michelle pauses, hand outstretched over the laptop before turning back to face him. “I’m sorry, what? _ Dropped _ you? What the hell were you doing, Peter?”

Peter gets a look on his face that Michelle recognizes, one that betrays the fact that he hadn’t intended on bringing up what happened to him on patrols and yet inadvertently had anyway.

It was something of a dance between them - Peter never seemed to shut up about anything in his life except for whatever the hell he did with the Avengers, something Michelle would question more if he hadn’t told her outright why he didn’t.

It had been one of their first conversations after they started dating, still awkward and a little nervous about what they were doing. The European trip from hell hadn’t exactly been how Michelle had anticipated their relationship starting, nor for Peter’s identity to be revealed on one of their first actual dates. 

But even after the _ DailyBugle.net _’s claims had been dismissed as a conspiracy along with some alien stand-in crap that Michelle thought was overkill, Peter had been insistent that he wouldn’t allow her to be put in danger ever again - even going so far as to stupidly try and break up with her.

It didn’t take, Michelle refused - and Peter for his part didn’t really seem like he wanted to. They reached an uneasy compromise, one that Michelle hated and knew would only blow up in their faces but accepted nevertheless.

Peter would keep his Spider-Man stuff separate from what his life as Peter Parker - and that included telling her about anything that he did beyond vague comments like the one he just shared. 

Michelle knew he had plenty of people to talk to about his side-gig as a bug boy - a literal team of superheroes and a retired and all too bored Tony Stark being first among them. But she hoped that now, some six months after they first started dating, that they’d make some progress on that ridiculous compromise.

“Umm.. nothing, nothing too serious. It was a misunderstanding really.” Michelle just studied him, silent as he stared back at her. She wanted him to continue but didn’t want to actually push him, knowing in some sense that Peter wanted to keep things separate just as much for his sake as for hers.

They’d been dating for six months but Michelle had watched him years, knew long before they had ever talked to each other for any length of time about his overwhelming need to protect the people around him. 

Even if Michelle knew that his promise to himself to separate the two was one that was made to be broken, she was also patient - had to be, for as long as she nurtured a crush on the idiot boy beside her. 

But her curiosity overtakes her, nudging him slightly with her arm. “What kind of misunderstanding?”

Peter seems to consider this for a moment, Michelle watching in real time as he debates what to say. And to Michelle’s surprise, he doesn’t change the subject.

“Sam thought that I was in trouble, saw me falling down a little too fast and flew in to grab me. I mean, the building wasn’t even that tall and yeah my web shooter was jammed but it wasn’t like I—”

“Your web shooter was _ jammed _?” Michelle interrupted, looking back at him in disbelief - seeing how nonchalant Peter was being about his seemingly near brush with death. 

Then again, Michelle thought - Peter had likely faced worse than a faulty web-shooter, giving her a sheepish look. 

“Mr. Stark had mentioned that I should maintain them more than I do. I knew he was going to give me shit about it anyway but after _ Sam _ caught me it just blew everything out of proportion.” Peter sighed, as if reliving the discussion. “For someone who says they have a heart condition, he sure does yell at lot.” 

“So were you or weren’t you falling to your death?” Michelle asks, trying and failing to keep her voice even as Peter starts to flush. 

“Define falling.”

“_ Peter _.” 

He sighed, shrugging as he threw his hands up. “I heard it once before, I don’t need to hear it again. I was _ fine _, I could’ve handled it. But then Sam had to swoop in and try to save the day and only succeeded in almost dropping me. Do you think I need to lose weight?”

She can see that he’s trying to distract her away from the conversation, clearly brushing into things that Peter would rather keep away from her but Michelle’s immovable now, staring at him.

Peter sees the look in her eyes, knowing he’s lost. 

“I really did have a handle on it, MJ. Sam just freaked out a little cause it looked like I was getting a little close to the pavement.”

“_ How _close?”

Peter doesn’t answer, Michelle sighing as she shakes her head.

“So what happened?” She asks, pushing the mental picture of Peter falling to his death out of her mind as she sees him smirk.

“I mean that was really it. Caught me by the leg, almost dropped me a few times. I asked him if he’d let me use the shield, but he didn’t seem open to it.”

Michelle just stares at him, Peter shifting a little to get closer to her.

“Are you okay?”

Peter nods, a little too quickly. “Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Promise.” He smiles, Michelle seeing how much he was willing for her to drop this.

And she does, just this once - even as her mind races on how she can finagle more information out of him. Michelle’s hand goes to hover over the spacebar to press play when she stops, looking at Peter with a grin on her face.

“So does Sam like, talk to birds?”

Peter throws his hands up, exasperated.

“That’s what _ I _wanted to know!”

* * *

Michelle didn’t think much of Peter’s slip, or at least - that’s what she let him believe as they watched _ Bake Off _, figuring by the time they decided on something else that it would be time for her to go home. 

She didn’t care about the Avengers in the abstract - for all her concern about politics, the Avengers and their bullshit just seemed like an episode of _ Family Feud _gone wrong. Getting blipped out of existence sucked since it threw off her five year-plan but considering all the hell the world had gone through, Michelle wasn’t going to hold a grudge against them - thinking back to how little she had seemed interested in them before.

But she was dating one of them now, more or less - even if he seemed reluctant to be one most days. Peter still cared about them, Tony most of all - remembering that first meeting and how upset the man had been that Peter had to face the Mysterio bullshit without him. 

Michelle’s dad worked long hours and did his best, always had after her mom had died. Yet most of the time, she spent most of her time alone - something that she hadn’t minded really. She didn’t have a lot of luck with people getting close to her and Michelle was fine with that.

But Peter - someone who also didn't have a lot of family in the traditional sense - had seemingly acquired one anyway. 

Because of her apathy about the Avengers, she didn’t really know much about them or have a favorite aside from Peter - except for Black Widow, something Peter joked once that he wasn’t sure how he felt that Michelle had a thing for spiders only to shut up after the look she gave him. 

Her only really exposure to them was whatever Peter said - and from the sound of it, Michelle couldn’t really make sense of what the hell their dynamic actually was.

They sounded… complicated, least of all because of their powers. Fighting. Working together. United in a goal even. As Peter kept watching the screen, Michelle stared up at him - enough that Peter slyly glanced back to her.

“Yes?”

“Nothing.” Michelle said, remembering that her days of staring at Peter unnoticed were long gone. 

He smiles, cuddling her closer as she turns her attention back to the laptop - her thoughts going elsewhere as the contestants scrambled, wondering if the easy banter and friendliness that they had were similar to the Avengers. 

Michelle didn’t know. But as she leaned into Peter’s embrace, feeling his arm wrap around her tightly - she let it rest for another day, thinking that it didn’t matter if she ever learned more about the rest of them.

Not when she was dating the best of them anyway.   
  



	2. Haunting of Hill House.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Light spoilers for _The Haunting of Hill House_, which if you haven’t seen already - you absolutely should.

“Vision does that a lot.”

Michelle glances at him from the corner of her eye, watching as he stuffed some popcorn in his mouth. It was Michelle’s third time watching _ The Haunting of Hill House _but Peter’s first, knowing from Ned that he used to avoid scary shows and movies like the plague.

He seemed interested now, Michelle silently wondering if it was just false bravado to impress her. Then again, she reasoned - when you seemingly died on an alien planet, came back to fight a literal genocidal maniac and saw another father figure nearly die in front of you - maybe scary movies weren’t so scary after all. 

_ Hill House _ wasn’t truly scary to begin with, a family drama wrapped up in a horror story - at least that the was argument that she had ready to convince Peter to try it, mildly surprised that he seemed game when she first mentioned it. 

It was Saturday, one of the two of the out of the month where Peter was sent into a forced vacation away from the Avengers shit he did. It was a weird kind of schedule, one that made Michelle wonder just how much sleep Peter actually got. 

School throughout the week, Decathlon three times a week, patrolling the city at night. And when the week was over, Peter still kept going - alternating weekends at the newly renovated Avengers compound, at Tony Stark’s cabin or in the city - with her, Ned and May. 

Michelle wasn’t used to it, the idea of having your time so rigidly scheduled out - that someone could have multiple people know where you are at any given moment. She loved her dad and he did his best, but aside from scrawled messages on the refrigerator and text messages when they went a few days without seeing each other - Michelle was left relatively alone. 

She was used to it by now but dating Peter - slowly letting his life blend into hers - made her feel like she missed something she’d never really had. 

“Does what?” She asks, bringing her attention back to the conversation. Peter hadn’t exactly _ opened up _ to her after the Sam incident but he’d been a little less careful - seemingly testing the waters, more for himself than for Michelle, about what he wanted to share. 

Even Ned seemed put out by it. While being his “guy in the chair” had been mostly symbolic from what Michelle understood, Peter had lightened up with that as well - seemingly trying to completely divorce his personal life with being a superhero - something that in Michelle’s mind, was only exacerbated by his relentless schedule. 

Yet after the slip up with Sam, it was as if the dam had cracked slightly. 

“Just appears out of fucking nowhere.” Peter replies nonchalantly, mouth muffled and full of popcorn. When Michelle doesn’t answer, he turns to look at her, smiling.

“It’s kind of creepy to be honest. Wanda says he used to go through walls a lot more, but he’s gotten better about that.”

“How are they?” 

Peter considers her question for a beat, tilting his head as he says, “Fine, I guess? I know Doctor Strange had to some really weird shit to bring Vision back but Wanda seems… happy? I guess? I don’t know. I didn’t really know them all that well before so I can’t tell the difference.” 

Peter shrugs but Michelle can tell he’s feigning ignorance now, remembering from previous conversations from Ned about the first time Peter had been roped into the Avengers family drama - flying off to Germany and learning more about the people the Sokovia Accords were based off of.

While Peter was a steel trap, Ned was a fire extinguisher - pouring out information about Peter and Spider-Man without much prodding. She’d laughed at the “Friend of Spider-Man” nickname in London but the longer she dated him, Michelle realized that Ned took it so seriously for reasons beyond being his best friend.

Ned told her about where he ran off to during Homecoming, leaving everyone on the bus, that first meeting when they arrived back at school.

Michelle was there for it all, remembering him rush out of the gym, feeling a shot of terror as Peter swung his way out of the bus to some alien ship - coming back into existence when Peter was nowhere to be found. She even remembered seeing him that first day at school, relieved he was okay - and surprised when he smiled at her. 

But it was different to hear it from Ned, from someone who actually _knew_ what was going on with him then. 

Peter needed help, even if he never asked. And while neither of them had superpowers, they could be there for him - and the only way to do that was to freely share what they knew about the shit he went through. 

“How does that work anyway?”

“Hmm?” Peter asks, attention back to the screen as Nellie Craine cowered in fear - realizing who the bent-neck lady of her childhood was. It was one of her favorite episodes, the slow build - the tragedy of knowing something was fated for you, something you could never escape and being powerless to stop it. 

It was dark and slightly depressing but there was something almost beautiful about it, the knowledge that there was some sense of purpose in the universe - even if that purpose was destined to end in a way that was more bitter than sweet. 

“Vision and Wanda. Isn’t he basically a robot? I mean, I’m not gonna kink-shame her or anything but, it’s a little weird right?” Michelle asked, looking back to the screen.

Michelle can see how Peter blushes out of the corner of her eyes, something Michelle loves to see for how red and embarrassed he gets. It’s a look that reminds her of the first time she’d kissed him on that bridge, the same look that she’d seen on Peter’s face again a few months back when she suggested going further. 

Netflix and chill might have been a euphemism that Michelle thought was cliche but Peter had abs of steel and she liked touching them, so _ sue _her. 

But for as interested as she was in their own sex life, Michelle didn’t particularly care about Wanda’s - not enough for Peter to still look as flustered as he did.

“Kidding, Pete. I know you guys deal with more important shit than that.”

Peter taps his fingers against the bowl in his lap before pursing his lips, saying, “Yeah but you’re not the first person to mention it. Overheard Sam asking the same thing.”

Michelle smirked, seeing the smile on Peter’s face. 

“What did they tell him?”

A jump scare appeared on the show just then, Nellie Craine’s bent-neck lady appearing and causing Peter to spill some popcorn.

Michelle couldn't help but laugh, Peter looking around sheepishly. 

“I thought your Peter tingle would’ve told you that was coming.”

Peter gave her a look, narrowing his eyes. “First of all, do NOT call it a Peter Tingle. I gotta tell May to stop saying that in front of you.”

He glanced around at the mess, picking up a piece of popcorn before saying, “And second, doesn’t work for television.”

They start to clean up when Peter seemingly remembers Michelle’s question, rolling off the couch and saying, “Besides, bent-neck lady is creepy but Wanda?” Peter shudders, “You don’t want to mess with her.”

“Your point?” Michelle asks, not quite following.

Peter ate another piece of popcorn off the couch. “Sam doesn’t ask questions he doesn’t want to know the answers too anymore.”

* * *

Later, by the time Nellie’s funeral rolled around - watching as her brother Luke threw dirt down onto the casket - Michelle heard a snore coming from beside her, looking back to see Peter conked out, head back on the couch with his mouth slightly open. 

Michelle quietly sneaked her phone out of her pocket, snapping a picture and sending it to Ned. But before she put it away completely, Michelle paused - noticing for the first time how relaxed Peter seemed to be. 

She didn’t take offense to him sleeping, he seemed interested in the show but her theory about him being more exhausted than he ever let on was supported by how hard he was snoring. But there was something about the way his face looked that made Michelle realize just how tense Peter was when he was awake. 

The way the muscles in his jaw seemed slack, the wrinkle in the middle of his forehead completely smooth - Peter looked almost _ younger _ when he slept, like the burdens of his life were gone, if only for a moment.

Michelle wasn’t sure how true that was, not considering the traumas that Peter faced - but it was these little moments, quiet naps on the couch or after an afternoon alone when May had not so subtly left to run some errands - that made her wonder if he somehow felt… _ safer _ sleeping when she was around, a sinking suspicion that her original thought that he didn’t sleep at night had less to do with his schedule and more to do with the possibility of nightmares - something she hadn’t yet had the courage to ask him about. 

He’d only had one when she was there - a few weeks back, finishing another episode of _ Bake Off _ \- but it was enough to make her curious, enough that made her want to ask him if he was _ really _ talking to the people he was always around.

She didn’t really talk much to Tony Stark aside from awkward small talk when she joined him at the cabin, but considering the man was a walking PSA for working through PTSD, Michelle made a mental note to figure out a way to ask him about it the next time she saw him. 

Peter’s snores bring her out of her thoughts once more, smiling as she settled next to him - reaching for the blanket that May had folded over the couch, laying it over the the two of them. 

Ned was planning on joining them for the end of the season, checking the time as she put her phone away - knowing he was heading there soon. But Michelle let him sleep, watching as the Craine siblings argued about Luke running off after his sister’s funeral, frustrated that he was likely out for more drugs. 

She knew what the Craines’ didn’t - where Luke was headed and why - but seeing them argue about it made her also wish she could talk more to Wanda, knowing the hell she’d faced in losing Vision - when she wasn’t much older than her and Peter - had to have been unimaginable. 

Michelle bit her lip, keeping her eyes on the screen. They’d only been dating eight months and yet Michelle already couldn’t imagine her life without Peter, wondering if she was being an idiot seventeen-year old - thinking that she might be in love with him. 

But she glanced back to him, hearing his soft snores and Michelle knew it to be true. 

She loved him. And even if she wasn’t like Wanda, didn’t have any kind of powers or any way to protect him like anyone else in his life, Michelle promised herself then and there that she’d still do anything she could to keep him safe. 


	3. Parks and Rec.

“MJ…” Peter begins to say, Michelle laughing as she tears off a piece of her twizzler.

The wildly upbeat theme song begins to play in the background, Michelle just leaning her head in her hands as she tucks her feet under the couch. 

“Tell me you haven’t seen it before.”

Peter grimaces, his mouth twisted and his whole body language making it seem like he’d rather be anywhere but there - having this conversation - as he shakes his head. “I haven’t—“

“Lie.” Michelle interjects, smirking as she takes another bite of her twizzler. “Ned told me that you two saw some fanart of the two of them and couldn’t look at Stark in the eye for a week.”

Peter frowns, sighing as he says, “Come on Ned.”

Michelle shrugs, leaning her head out of her hands as the episode begins to play.

It was a fact of life, growing up in a world with the Avengers that you knew entirely way too much about their personal lives - that normal celebrities didn’t even really compare to the gossip that came from stories about literal super humans.

Michelle didn’t really care about it but she was observant, picking up things in between classes and overhearing the gossip her classmates would talk about in the halls.

Naturally, teenagers - much less adults - on the internet had a lot of theories about the Avengers’ dynamic, usually devolving into some kind of conspiracy theory that a secret organization was running everything behind the scenes.

But there was also a strong, small but vocal part who incessantly paired the Avengers up romantically - the fanaticism being something wholly uninteresting to Michelle except for the knowledge that she  _ actually  _ knew Peter - and by default, had a sneak peek into how the Avengers actually were.

The fanart in question, of Tony and Steve which the internet had dubbed “Stony”, had apparently made Peter so mortified that he had tried to block it out of his memory.

Michelle laughed to herself, liking the ability to tease Peter but not wanting to make him uncomfortable as she turned her attention to Ben, opening up an office meeting to talk about street parking.

_ “I’m not street parking my Mercedes.”  _ Donna’s voice chimes in, Peter laughing as she does.

“What?” Michelle asks, shifting her focus from the screen towards Peter.

“Nothing, it’s— it’s nothing.”

“Pete.” Michelle prods, Peter looking at her out of the corner of his eye.

He’d gotten better about talking to her - not necessarily about the details of his patrols but more about his emotional state, which is really all she had wanted. 

Michelle liked Spider-Man but she loved Peter Parker - and she couldn’t be there for him like she wanted to unless he communicated with her.

He smiles, shaking his head. “Promise, it’s not— it’s not anything like that.”

Peter points a thumb to the screen,  _ Parks and Rec _ still playing in the background. “Donna just sounded like something Tony said.”

“What do you mean?” She asks, Peter starting to laugh again at some private joke.

“You know the Avengers used to live together right?” Michelle nods, Peter taking that as his cue to continue. 

“Well Tony used to tell me stories you know, before, how they all used to fight about little things. Like talking about how Steve would argue about something with his cars and some inside joke with Clint and the vents…” Peter trails off, a smile on his face as he shakes his head. 

“It’s nothing, just funny to think about.” 

“What, the Avengers living together?” She asks, Peter shrugging as he reaches for her bag of twizzlers - making a mock offended face when she moved it out of the way.

“Hey—“

“Nope,” Michelle grins, Peter clearly allowing her to move it out of his reach since she knew first hand that Peter could never really be surprised. “You said you wanted chocolate so,” she looked down pointedly at the bag of mini Snickers in his hand, “you get what you paid for.”

“MJ, come on please?“ Peter puts his upper lip out, looking ridiculous enough that Michelle sighs and rolls her eyes, extending the bag out to him as his pout turns into a grin.

“I’m the best girlfriend in the world.”

“Best girlfriend in the universe.” Peter winks, taking three twizzlers out of the bag before taking a massive bite out of them, looking back at the television screen.

Michelle does too, watching Ron and Leslie interact before tilting her head. “You know, from all that you’ve said, you know who those two remind me of?”

Peter looks confused as he shakes his head. “No… who?”

“Stark and Captain America.”

Peter’s eyes narrow, the look on his face making her laugh as he says, “How the hell do you—“

“Well Captain America is clearly Leslie Knope,” Michelle begins, enjoying the way Peter’s eyes roll as she continues, “And Stark being like a surly, ‘I know what I’m about, son’ kind of person just kinda fits.”

Peter looks like he’s going to argue for a moment before he seems to consider it, tilting his head. “Wait, wouldn’t Tony be more like Leslie? Cause of you know,” he waves a hand awkwardly in the air, “the whole Accords thing? Joining up with the government like that.”

Michelle makes a face. “You know, you’re not wrong. Stark signing up to be a company man doesn’t really fit with his previous history.”

“I thought you didn’t care about the Avengers.” Peter teases, Michelle rolling her own eyes.

“I don’t but they’re kind of hard to avoid.” She playfully shoves at him, Peter catching her hand easily - a look in his eye she recognizes that makes her smile as she leans forward.

His lips taste like Snickers, feeling his hand move from holding hers to travel down to her waist - bringing her closer as the kiss deepens.

“When’s May coming home?” She asks in-between kisses, running a hand through his hair.

“Can we not talk about May right now?” He asks, Michelle snickering for a moment before his hands begin to travel down even more - going to say something only for Peter to stop - leaning back as his eyes widen.

“What?” She asks, only to hear the lock from the door - holding back a laugh as Peter moves back to a more respectable distance on the couch.

May walks in, a tired smile on her face as she says, “Hey kiddo, MJ. What are you guys watching today?”

“ _ Parks and Rec _ ,” Michelle says, Peter not so subtly trying to fix his hair. “You wanna join?”

May shakes her head, “I’m good. Tired, need a shower.” She playfully moves her hands as if she was watching the two of them. “Don’t get too comfortable, I won’t be gone long.”

“ _ May _ .” Peter says, Michelle still trying to hold back a laugh from how red his face gets as May laughs, walking back to her room.

Peter turns to face Michelle as soon as May is out of sight. “You did this.”

Michelle actually laughs now, Peter’s arm moving so it rests behind her back - settling herself closer as she leans her head against his shoulder. “You’re the one with the Peter Tingle.”

Peter sighs, Michelle moving herself closer. “You have  _ got  _ to stop calling it that.”

“Whatever nerd.” Michelle says as she extends a hand over his waist, Peter’s own hand dropping to her shoulder.

Michelle had never cared much for physical affection before Peter - never really cared much for people. But being with Peter was comfortable, easy - the kind of relationship that had it been anyone else, she would’ve made fun of them for.

They’re quiet as the episode continues to play, before Peter whispers into her hair, “You wanna come up to the cabin next weekend?”

Michelle goes to look at him before saying, “Why?”

Peter shrugs, attempting to be nonchalant even if Michelle gets the sense that he’s been wanting to talk to her about this for awhile.

“I don’t know, it’s been awhile. I want—“ he seems to consider his words, “I want you and Tony to get along.”

“We get along fine, Pete.” Michelle says, wondering if the conversation from earlier had prompted this even if the look on Peter’s face tells her it isn’t.

“I know, but…” he plays with the end of her hair, pursing his lips, “I don’t know. I think it’d be nice you know? May needs a break and I think it would just be fun, you know? If you have to ask your dad—“

“It’ll be fine.” Michelle quickly says, appreciating that Peter always considered her dad even if he didn’t really consider her in the same way. “He’s probably working so…”

“So you’ll go?” Peter asks hopefully, the laughter from the television screen the only sound in the room.

Michelle considers it for a moment, knowing it would make Peter happy even if the thought of an entire weekend of awkward small talk with Tony Stark was low on the list of things she ever wanted to experience.

But looking into his eyes, seeing the hope in them - Michelle was suddenly struck with the possibility of a lifetime of weekends with Stark and May, wondering how silly it was to consider forever with her high school boyfriend, her first serious relationship at all.

For anyone else, she would say it’s ridiculous - would say that she’s seventeen and far too young to even consider that.

And yet staring into Peter’s eyes, solid in the conviction that she loved him - Michelle pushed that away, thinking that forever or not, she could suck up her pride for a weekend to get to know someone that Peter clearly adored.

“Sure, Pete. Sounds like a plan.”

Peter smiles wide, going to press a kiss to her temple until Michelle says, “As long as I get to ask him his opinion on stony fan fiction.”

“ _ MJ. _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to whoever it was on discord who made the parallel between Steve and Tony/Ron and Leslie. UPDATE: it was blondsak! Thank you queen! 
> 
> <3


	4. Stranger Things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW in endnotes.

Michelle rolled her eyes, seeing the smirk on Peter’s face.

“No.”

“Come on, MJ.” He pouted, flopping over the couch and giving her his best puppy-dog eyes. Michelle was unmoved, raising an eyebrow as Tony walked in from the other room.

“What’s the matter, kid?”

“MJ doesn’t want to watch—“

“A blatant tribute to the eighties by brothers who couldn’t be bothered to have more than one Black character who only serves as the stick in the mud for the clearly self-insert white boy fantasy they have about finding aliens in their middle of nowhere town?”

Peter blinks at her, Michelle watching as Tony hides a smirk before folding his arms. 

“Well, when you put it like that…”

“I’m messing with you, Pete,” Michelle says, leaning back on the couch as both Tony and Peter stare at her, “_ Stranger Things _ isn’t that bad.”

Peter frowns, looking more concerned than he should be all things considered as he says, “I didn’t think of it like that.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to,” Michelle says plainly, Peter just looking more upset as she says, “but it’s fine.”

“It’s _ not _ fine, MJ. I don’t— I don’t want you to think that I’m—“

“I call you out on your bullshit for literally everything else. You _ really _ think I wouldn’t for this if it really bothered me?”

Peter seems to consider that, Michelle turning towards Tony as he says, “I knew there was a reason I liked you.”

She raises an eyebrow, Tony just smiling as he says, “You remind me of Pepper.”

Michelle squints, studying him for a second before smiling, giving a head nod before saying, “She’s pretty badass.”

“That she is. Now, if the show is settled,” Tony rubs his hands together, “what are we having? I got pizza, sandwiches, hot dogs and can get literally anything else you want within 30 minutes.”

“Ramen?” Michelle asks half-jokingly, only for her eyes to widen when Tony just grabs his phone out of his pocket. 

“Tonkotsu or shoyu? If you’re willing to wait a bit, I can probably get—“

“Please don’t remind me about the obscene amount of wealth you’ve inherited. It’s better that I don’t think about it too much.”

Peter snorts into his drink just then, Michelle watching as Tony blinks at her - face blank before it turns into a smile.

“You sure you and Pepper aren’t related?”

“We’ll just take pizza, Mr. Stark. Thank you,” Peter quickly says, even if Michelle can see another joke brimming in his eyes.

But he relents, putting his hands up before saying, “Alright, pizza it is. Let me know if you two need anything else.”

He leaves with a wave, Michelle watching him go until she turns back to Peter - frowning when she sees the look on his face.

“What? I was nice to him.”

Peter shakes his head as he says, “No, it’s not that. I just…” he sighs. “I mean it, MJ. I know you have to deal with a lot of shit that I never will but I don’t want you to think you have to censor yourself with me.”

Michelle’s confused for a half-beat before understanding it hits her, Peter continuing as he says, “I don’t want you to think you can’t tell me what you feel about these things, not because you have to explain everything,” he’s quick to amend, eyes widening, “I just— I want to understand. I want to know and I don’t—“

Michelle puts a hand on his arm, Peter pausing mid-sentence as she says, “I get it.”

Peter searches her face like he doesn’t believe her but Michelle means it - knows exactly what he means and how much he wants to understand more of how these supposedly “little things” matter.

Yet Michelle also can’t help but think that it’s slightly hypocritical, for him to want her to be open with her thoughts about this when he still won’t share everything about his life as Spider-Man - feeling like for every step forward they ended up going two steps back.

She didn’t care about the Avengers or superheroes - not when she was dating the best of them. But she did care about Peter and for better or for worse, Spider-Man was part of him - something that Michelle was learning the longer that they dated that it was too big a part of his life to ignore.

But Michelle doesn’t bring it up then - partly because she’s not interested in having an intense conversation about their relationship with Tony Stark only a few feet away but mostly because it’s something she’s not sure she’s ready to talk about yet. 

Dating in high school was weird enough but dating a superhero was even more so - especially since the longer they dated, the more _ real _ it felt. 

Instead she just smiled, catching the frown on Peter’s face deepen as she grabbed the remote out of his hands and says, “Come on, let’s get this started. I heard season 2’s a lot better if you watch it directly after season 1 and if we hurry, we can probably try and get most of it done tonight.”

She turns to look at the screen, feeling Peter’s stare on her but ignores it - focusing intently on the synth pop of the theme song and bright red lettering.

Michelle knows they should talk - about more than just this - but saves it, guessing there would be a better time than sitting within earshot of Tony Stark in his living room.

* * *

That better time comes sooner rather than later, Michelle waking up from a dead sleep.

She hears his muttered whispers, blinks an eye open to see him jerking slightly - face twisted up as if he was in pain and a hand grabbing at his pillow. 

“Peter?” She whispers, unsure of what exactly to do but knowing she should wake him up - not just to get him out of his nightmare but to avoid the awkward possibility that Tony Stark would find the two of them in bed together. 

Her guest room was nice and considering who Tony Stark was, she could guess he wouldn’t make that big of a deal of her slipping into Peter’s room in the middle of the night. But it was still embarrassing to think of, just like May walking in on them - Michelle being a little more insistent as she whispers again, “Pete?”

She moves her hand to gently shake him awake, only to immediately regret it.

His hands are around her neck so fast that Michelle doesn’t even get the chance to blink or scream, Peter’s eyes snapping open only for a terrified expression to fly across his face - immediately loosening his grip as Michelle starts to wheeze.

“MJ? Oh my God, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” Peter stammers, Michelle moving off the bed and away from him on instinct - hitting the floor hard as she backs away.

“MJ—“

Michelle puts one hand out, another towards her neck as she looks back at him - fear and adrenaline coursing through her veins.

The door to Peter’s bedroom swings open, Tony walking in with a harried expression on his face as he looks to Peter.

“Pete, you alright?”

Peter looks horrified with himself, Tony’s eyes shifting to where Michelle is on the floor. Michelle’s still wheezing, shaking slightly as Tony slowly walks towards her - hands up and his voice gentle as he says, “MJ?”

Michelle lets out a gasp, trying to swallow but feeling like her throat is closed up - Tony kneeling down till he’s in front of her as he says, “Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay.”

She barely holds back a sob, eyes fixed on Tony before shifting to Peter - immediately seeing the crushing guilt on his face but feeling too scared to think beyond herself in the moment.

Michelle flinches away from Tony then, his voice low and gentle says, “FRIDAY, please wake Pepper and tell her to come here.”

Michelle feels her chest starting to spasm - from the adrenaline or from trying to catch a breath she doesn’t know - hearing Tony’s voice ring out once more as he says, “You’re okay, I’m not gonna come any closer but we need to get you checked out alright?”

Michelle’s eyes shift from Tony to Peter and back to Tony again - nodding slightly before Pepper comes into the doorway, looking sleepy as she asks, “What’s going on?”

“I’m okay,” Michelle rasps, feeling like she’s making a bigger deal of something than what it is, only for Pepper to have seemingly gathered all the information she needed to know as she walks over to Michelle, leaning down in a similar crouch to Tony.

“Sweetheart, it’s okay. You’re okay.”

Michelle knows she is - immediately feeling silly for backing away so quickly from Peter, knowing he’d never do anything to willingly hurt her.

But when Pepper slowly moves towards her, Michelle is all too quick to back away - staring at the three of them in what she can only guess is a mild panic from the look on their faces. 

Peter looks worst of all, something that Michelle _ knows _ that no matter what just happened - it wasn’t his fault.

But she can’t shake the terror she feels in that moment, backing further against the wall and closing her eyes - wishing that she had stuck to her gut and hadn’t come to the cabin at all.

* * *

Michelle has a massive comforter thrown over her shoulders, a hot cup of tea in her hand and yet still feels like shivering - all of her insides feeling like they’ve been put through the rinse cycle of a washing machine as she stares at the steam rising from a cup.

Peter had mentioned his nightmares to her, in bits and pieces - enough for her to know they existed. Yet from all the times he’d fallen asleep on the couch in May’s apartment or had snuck into her bedroom window when her dad had fallen asleep, this was the first time she’s ever really experienced them first hand. 

Pepper’s presence is calming, whispering to someone on the phone as she holds the tea tighter to her chest before hanging up - looking at Michelle with a sad smile on her face.

“Are you cold?”

Michelle shakes her head, a conflicted flood of emotions running through her. Distantly, she feels embarrassed - that she’s made such a big of deal of something, that both Pepper and Tony now saw that she’d slipped into Peter’s room - but the overriding emotion is guilt, the terror now transformed into the harsh reality of what this would do for their relationship. 

She wasn’t physically in any pain, it was shock that had pulled her away from him more than anything else. But Michelle is already thinking of the guilty look on Peter’s face, knowing she should prioritize herself first yet still kicking herself for letting her fear get the best of her. 

“I just spoke with Helen, she’s a doctor. She’s on her way, just to make sure that—“

“You don’t have to do that,” Michelle says, wincing at how strained her voice sounds, “I’m okay.”

Pepper’s eyes soften at that, even as her expression changes into something a little more firm as she says, “MJ, you’ve just gone through something traumatic. It’s okay to be upset.”

“I’m fine.”

Pepper looks as if she doesn’t believe her, Michelle taking a sip of her tea - the hot liquid soothing her throat as she says, “I don’t think you are.”

It’s a critical statement but Pepper’s tone is not, Michelle locking eyes with Pepper who looks as if she wants to wrap her into a hug. It’s a nice sentiment but Michelle doesn’t particularly want to be touched right now, something that Pepper seems to sense from the shift on her expression. 

She leans back, her eyes taking on a faraway expression before saying, “Tony has PTSD.”

Michelle’s gaze shifts back to the mug in her hands, partly because she’s not sure where Pepper’s going with this - Tony Stark’s PTSD was used as an example for her AP psych class - but also because staring too long into Pepper’s concerned gaze reminds her too much of what Peter might be feeling now.

Michelle is not stupid - she knows that whatever Peter is feeling shouldn’t override what she’s feeling. That Pepper is right, that she’s allowed to _ not _ be okay when all she’d tried to do was wake Peter up from a nightmare and ended up in a choke hold that Michelle can’t help but think that if he hadn’t snapped out of it when he did, she wouldn’t be staring at anyone at all. 

Yet the thought of _ that _ just reminds her of the guilt Peter must be facing, knowing he’s off with Tony somewhere in the cabin - flexing her fingers over the mug as she grips it tighter and tries not to think about it.

“A few years back,” Pepper begins - bringing Michelle out of her thoughts, “he used to have awful nightmares. Coped by building a lot of suits that he didn’t need. And one night, one of those suits attacked me.”

Michelle’s eyes shift up to Pepper then, the warm smile on her face keeping Michelle tethered to the moment as she says, “It wasn’t okay. Just like what Peter did wasn’t okay.”

“But he didn’t mean it,” Michelle whispers, partly because her throat hurts but mostly because the air around them has changed - charged in a way that makes Michelle wonder why she hadn’t been around Pepper sooner. 

She loved May deeply - the first maternal figure she’d had in years who didn’t see her as someone to pity but just someone to love. Yet it hits her then that Pepper understands her life in a way that May doesn’t, if only for the inherent choice involved.

May loved Peter and would always stand by him - by default of being her nephew. And even if Michelle loved Peter - as much as she could imagine any seventeen year old could love a person anyway - it hits her then that she’s not tied to him in the same way. 

That she could decide at any time that this was too much, too soon - that the dangers in dating a superhero weren’t just outside influences but as Pepper’s expression clearly showed, dangerous in an entirely different way. 

“I know sweetheart. He didn’t,” Pepper says softly, “but that doesn’t make what you went through okay or excusable.”

It doesn't - even if Michelle’s mind keeps running around over and over to try and wonder what had caused it. She knows it doesn’t work like that - that PTSD didn’t follow a linear pattern, if that’s what caused Peter’s nightmare tonight - just as it wasn’t on _ her _ to try and make him feel better about something that was by any metric awful. 

Yet Michelle can’t help but think of how Peter had looked earlier that evening while they were watching _ Stranger Things, _when Eleven was facing against the demogorgon, rigid and still in what at the time had seemed like he was just enraptured in the story but now she wonders if it was some kind of flashback. 

Peter had been to space, had fought literal _ aliens _ \- yet it was so easy for Michelle to forget that, wondering now if she should’ve taken him up on his offer earlier to talk rather than watch a show that possibly set off some terrible memories. 

She pushes that thought away just as quickly as it comes, recognizing that she can’t blame herself for the night’s events - just as she couldn’t really blame Peter. 

But there’s a feeling she can’t explain that drapes around her, staring into Pepper’s eyes - wondering now how they could possibly come back from this. 

Pepper and Tony clearly had - their daughter sleeping safe and sound in her room. 

But they were _ adults _, in a way that for as independent that Michelle has been all her life made her realize that this is the first time she’s dealing with something way beyond anything she’s ever considered before.

She loved Peter, as much as she thinks she could. 

Yet bringing the mug closer to her chest, staring into Pepper’s eyes - all Michelle could wonder if that was actually enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: accidental choking, mentions of PTSD
> 
> Sorry for the long wait <3 I meant to finish writing the rest of this before posting this chapter but life™️


	5. The Umbrella Academy.

Michelle scrolls through her social media feed on her phone, the sounds of Five arguing with Luther about  _ himself _ playing in the background.

It was a terrible habit, Michelle was self-aware enough to recognize that being unable for one thing to hold her attention for any length of time was a “problem” in the most basic sense of the word.

But Michelle also couldn’t focus, still feeling a little guilty at watching season 2 of  _ The Umbrella Academy _ without Peter even if she knows she shouldn’t.

It’d been almost two weeks since that disastrous weekend at the cabin, any physical injuries she’d sustained long gone though the emotional ramifications of it still rattled around in her mind.

She’d had a long talk with Pepper and a referral to an actual, licensed psychiatrist that both Pepper and Tony had said would not only see her without parental permission but without having to pay for it. 

Michelle appreciated the thought but wasn't sure how she felt about taking Stark's money any more than she was sure how she felt about the situation to begin with, conflicted in more ways than one when they finally made it back home. 

Things had been… weird between her and Peter now, to the point where he’d stupidly tried to break up with her again - seconds away from going on some guilt-ridden rant about how she was “better off” without him.

Michelle shut it down, just as she had the first time around when his identity had been outed. But when Peter asked if they were okay, Michelle couldn’t lie - her silence being answer enough, making their long car ride back to the city even longer.

It was clear to her that Ned knew what happened as soon as she walked into the lunch room, debating for a half-second if she should sit somewhere else only to immediately dismiss that as stupid when she sat her tray down at their usual table.

They still sat together at lunch and in class, still hung out as a trio at Peter’s apartment or even at Ned’s. But Michelle hadn’t spent any time alone with Peter since that weekend at the cabin and Peter hadn’t made any kind of efforts to fix that.

On a rational level, Michelle knew that it wasn't her problem to fix. Pepper was right, Peter had hurt her and even if he hadn't meant it, it still didn't make it okay. She needed some time to think, time that she didn't feel like she really had considering how much she saw Peter every day in and outside of school.

It's partly why she cancelled on hanging out with either of them today, giving off some excuse that Ned didn't seem to believe just as much as she didn't. She'd kissed Peter goodbye but it felt perfunctory - like something that they just  _ did _ rather than anything that meant something.

It felt wrong to continue like this, like this big thing hadn't happened between the two of them but anytime Michelle would think to bring it up - she'd see the look on Peter's face and knew that he would somehow take that as some kind of admission that they needed to breakup, something she's sure she doesn't want to do even if she's not really sure where to go forward from here.

If Michelle was honest with herself, what she really wanted was to talk to May. Pepper was kind and arguably understood more about what Michelle was going through emotionally than May ever would, but Michelle was also closer to May - feeling more a part of her family in the past year that she’s been dating Peter in a way that makes her miss her mom.

Her mom had always known what to say, even before Michelle herself had the words to describe what she was feeling. The rational part of her understood that the memory of her mother and the reality were no doubt influenced by the years that she’s been gone. But it was there all the same, an ache in her chest and in her lungs at wondering what her mom would say to her about the situation that was in front of her - much less what she would think of her daughter dating a superhero.

Before she has the chance to really think on it anymore, she’s surprised to hear the door unlock - turning to it and raising an eyebrow in confusion. There were only three people who had a key to their apartment: her dad, herself and Mrs. Seong down the hall. Michelle knew Mrs. Seong played go on Saturday nights and since her dad was supposed to be working the late shift, there’s a small prickle of fear in the back of her mind of who could be trying to break in.

She immediately grabs her phone only to freeze when she sees that it’s her dad, smiling at her when he sees her on the couch. 

“Just me,” he says, Michelle noticing the tiredness in his eyes as he closes the door behind him and locks it - setting his keys on the counter and slipping off his shoes as Michelle says, “Hey.”

He rifles through the bills still on the counter, Michelle leaning back on the couch with her arm over the side as she asks, “I thought you were working the night shift tonight.”

“I was,” he says lightly, “but turns out they overscheduled a few of us. Figured I’d come home and see if I could spend some time with my favorite girl.” 

Michelle’s old enough to see through the excuse for what it is, her dad’s scrubs looking just as clean as they’d been when he left. She’d could see from the exhaustion on his face and the worry held in how his eyes looked as he scanned through the bills that there was something else to it - wondering if the hospital layoffs that she’d been hearing across the public hospitals were finally making their way to her dad’s. 

Yet before she has the chance to ask, he sets the bills down and looks back to her with a smile on his face - nodding towards the television before asking, “What you got playing?”

Michelle looks back to the screen for a second, already lost for whatever’s happening as she says, “New season of  _ The Umbrella Academy _ . It’s on Netflix.” 

“Oh yeah, Arthur was telling me about that. Sounds cool,” he says with a grin, Michelle smirking at him as she says, “Oh yeah, totally cool.”

“What? I’m hip,” he says, Michelle laughing at him as he continues, “You got room there for another? Or is that boyfriend of yours coming over?”

Michelle immediately feels a lump in her throat at the thought of Peter and the residual guilt she feels about watching the show without him, quickly shaking her head as she presses her lips together. 

She doesn’t miss the way her dad frowns, taking a few steps towards her as he asks, “Is everything okay, Meesh?” 

“Yeah,” Michelle says a little too quickly, inwardly wincing at the way he frowns as she says, “Yeah he’s just busy tonight.” 

Her dad stares at her for a beat, Michelle physically feeling time pass. It’s clear that he doesn’t believe her but she knows just as well as he does that he’s not around nearly enough to be able to tell anything different - something that she knows that can’t be helped with being the only person sustaining their income combined with his adamant refusal of Michelle taking a job while she was in school. 

“Well, guess that means you’re stuck with me,” he finally says, Michelle staying silent as he asks, “Have you eaten anything?” 

“I was gonna heat up some leftovers,” Michelle says, holding back a laugh when her dad makes a face. 

“How about a pizza?” He says, Michelle immediately liking the idea but wanting to say no - if only for the reality of him being sent home early likely meant terrible things for his future at the hospital. 

But Michelle’s face must betray her because he nods as if the decision’s made, taking a deep breath and saying, “Yeah, let’s do a pizza. Unless,” he pauses, eyeing her over his glasses, “you really want those leftovers.”

Michelle makes a mean linguini but pizza does sound a lot better at the moment, sensing from the look on her dad’s face that he needs this just as much as she does. It wasn’t often that they really had the chance to hang out anymore, not with Michelle busy with school and her friends and Peter - much less her dad working as many shifts as possible to pay not just for their bills but to pay off said school. 

She missed her mom terribly, but Michelle loved her dad too. Spending the night eating pizza with him, the one person who missed her mom almost as much if not more than she did, felt right - all things considered. 

Michelle smiles, nodding to him as she says, “Pizza sounds great.” 

* * *

Michelle’s uncomfortably full by the time the credits roll on the show, her dad making a humming sound that causes her to turn and look at him.

“What’d you think?”

He makes a face, twisting his lips to the side as he squints at the television screen. 

“I think I like it,” he says, “Wish we could’ve found out what happened to Ray.”

“Yeah, me too,” Michelle says, her dad sighing as he slaps his hands on his thighs - Michelle holding back a laugh as he says, “Well, you know how those Netflix shows go. Gotta keep you guessing till the next season.”

“Yeah,” Michelle replies, not really thinking now about the show but more about the relationship between Allison and Ray.

The season itself was fine, Michelle knowing she’ll have to give herself a little more time to think and unpack everything she feels about it - only to be struck with the notion of Ray and Allison, the love they shared together and the unfairness that they were pulled away from each other by circumstances that were out of their control. 

Allison lied to Ray about her powers, if only by omission - yet he’d taken it in stride, believing in her and trusting her, something that Michelle deeply appreciated for how much it went against the way Black men usually treated in stories. 

She thinks of Vanya and of Sissy, of Diego and Lila… of all the couples of  _ The Umbrella Academy _ and what became of them by season end. They’d hurt each other, lied to each other, gone through hell and back - yet everyone left the season either separated or disappointed in the other. 

On a rational level, Michelle knows that her dad is right and this was likely just set up for the next season. Yet on an emotional level, spending her first time home with her dad in what feels like months, Michelle’s struck with several realities all at once. 

The first is that she misses Peter - any guilt that she felt in watching the show long gone and replaced with the feeling of longing in not having him there and his commentary, wondering now how he would’ve been around her dad and the realization sinking in that for as long as she’d been dating Peter, he and her dad hadn’t really spent any length of time with each other. 

It was unavoidable considering the work either of them did - her dad as a nurse and Peter as Spider-Man - but it bugs her all the same, the fact that it took a traumatic experience for her to fully recognize just how intertwined she’d become a part of Peter’s life while he hadn’t really become a part of hers. 

For all her talk in wanting to be more involved in Peter’s life as Spider-Man, to want to learn more about the things that he faced and the things he went through - she didn’t extend that same openness to him. Not with spending time with her dad, or even coming over to her apartment half the time, something clicking in her mind for why Peter likely hadn’t approached the topic of what had happened in the cabin aside from whatever guilt he carried. 

As she’d seen through several hours of television, secrets kept between partners had the potential to harm - but they also had the potential to bring them together. Michelle wasn’t sure how to handle the very real issues that Peter faced as a superhero but she realizes now in a way that she hadn’t before that this wasn’t something that she had to carry alone or think that Peter wouldn’t be able to handle it if she didn’t even give him the chance to. 

The second is how much she  _ wants _ to give him that chance, her gaze shifting over to her dad as he’s lost in thought - staring at the television screen before grabbing his phone, muttering to himself about what cast members were in what as she smiles. 

For as much as Michelle missed her mom, she knows her dad missed her even more - no dating life that she was aware of and his wedding ring still on his finger, even if it had been almost five years since her mom had died. 

The show was silly but it proved the point just as the reality of her dad in front of her did - that time was short and fleeting and a happy ending, if there was even such a thing, wasn’t guaranteed. 

Michelle knew that her and Peter had to talk,  _ really _ talk about everything that had happened at the cabin. Just as she knows that talking about it wouldn’t likely be a one-time fix. 

But Michelle can’t help but think of how much she wants to, to figure this out with Peter once and for all rather than continue to dance around each other like they had for the past two weeks. 

It was objectively scary - the idea of confronting the awkwardness between them and what that could mean, what Peter could say and if he could handle what Michelle was feeling anymore that she could handle what he was going through.

Yet Michelle still wants to try, the quietest conviction whispering to her in her gut that she loves him still ringing true.

She does - love him, as much as any sixteen-year-old can anyway.  _ The Umbrella Academy _ , her dad, and a lifetime of observing the world has proven to her that love in and of itself wasn’t necessarily enough to save something that’s broken.

Michelle smiles to herself, hand drifting to the black dahlia necklace around her neck as her dad continues to chatter about the actors on the screen. 

She’d always liked things better broken anyway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I end up finishing this fic on the year anniversary of starting it, is that coincidence... or did I plan it? 
> 
> The world may never know.


	6. To All The Boys I've Loved Before.

Michelle doesn’t consider herself a nervous person. Awkward, maybe. Someone who waffles between blurting out exactly what she’s thinking to never speaking at all. It’d left her with a mixed reputation in school but Michelle didn’t really care about that. She had bigger things to do than worry about what the dorks at Midtown thought of her.

Save, at least, for one dork. 

She can’t stop her leg from bouncing up and down as she sits on the couch, her dad doing who knows what in the kitchen. He wasn’t a terrible cook by any means but Michelle can’t help but think that things would go a lot better if they just ordered pizza again. Just when she’s about to ask if they can save the lasagna for another day, her phone buzzes - startling her for a second till she sees who it is. 

“He’s here,” Michelle says, standing up and going to the call box right by her door right as it buzzes - buzzing him in as her dad’s head pops in from the kitchen.

“You doing okay, Meesh?”

“I’m fine,” Michelle says a little too quickly, giving him a half smile when she sees his own face turn into frown.

“Is everything okay?” He asks, wiping his hand on the dork apron he has on. It was a gift from her mom during their last Christmas, one that still warms her heart to see that he’s still using as she nods. 

“Yeah, it’s fine. Promise,” she says, the lie coming to her easily even if it still twists things around in her stomach for doing so. 

There’s a part of Michelle that says that she should tell her dad more, considering her refusal to accept the paid psychiatrist wasn’t solely to use Stark’s money but her own uncomfortableness with wholesale hiding things from her dad. 

She knew that Peter being Spider-Man wasn't her secret to tell, just as she knew that if she really wanted to tell her dad about everything and asked Peter if he would mind that - considering the circumstances - he wouldn't at all.

There were always NDAs that Stark could force the two of them to sign and the ever present fear that inviting her dad into things would just inevitably make him a target too. But that thought stops her short, the recognition that being a "target" for a Spider-Man villain didn't quite compare to the reality of Michelle feeling conflicted about being with Spider-Man at all.

Before she has the chance to fall further into a downward spiral, Peter knocks at the door - having seemingly flown up the stairs to their apartment. Her dad's eyebrows raise in surprise, shaking his head and muttering something she can't quite hear under her breath as she double checks through the peep hole to make sure it's Peter before unlocking and opening the door.

"Hey," Peter says in a huff, something that clearly has to be borne from nerves and not necessarily cause he was out of breath.

"Hi," Michelle says, staring at him for a moment as he stares right back.

It's only when her dad clears his throat that she opens the door to let him in, Peter smiling as he extends a hand out to him and says, "Hi Mr. Jones, it's nice to see you again."

Her dad extends his own hand out, shaking Peter's hand and giving him a warm smile as he says, "Likewise, Peter. Dinner's almost ready if you and Meesh wanna set the table."

Peter quirks an eyebrow up at her, only to hold his tongue when she glares at him - the two of them taking the plates and silverware out to their little dining room table.

When they do, Michelle works silently at distributing everything on the table - avoiding Peter's gaze until he finally breaks and asks, "Meesh?"

"Don't," Michelle says, glancing up to him and seeing the smirk on Peter's face. He puts his hands up, Michelle feeling the tension between them lessen slightly as her dad calls out, "Incoming."

They both turn and make way for him to place the steaming pan of lasagna on the table, her dad doing a funny little dance that he always did that makes her and Peter laugh.

"I hope you're hungry, Peter. My eyes were bigger than my stomach," he says with a grin, Peter nodding a few times.

"Definitely, Mr. Jones," he says with a smile, looking to Michelle who just stares back at him.

Michelle knew enough of his powers by now to know that Peter had to eat so much more than the average person - remembering a conversation they had once about how his metabolism worked in overtime not just because of all the physical activity he did as Spider-Man but something having to do with his own DNA seemingly being rewired from the ground up.

It hits her again, something that shouldn't for as long as she's dated Peter but with an entirely different kind of clarity now that if her and Peter dated for any significant length of time that these kinds of things would only make life more complicated.

"Meesh?"

"Huh?" She asks, only to see that Peter and her dad are now both staring at her - the latter with concern and the former with a look she can only describe as sad.

"It looks great, dad," Michelle says with a smile, moving her chair and sitting down as her dad and Peter follow suit.

Her dad starts to make casual small talk with Peter and Peter, having been raised right, happily obliges. But Michelle doesn't miss the curious way that he stares at her, Michelle refusing to look him in the eye.

* * *

"It's really okay, dad," Michelle tries to say, her dad sighing as he slips his feet into the crocs that he always wears when he goes to the hospital.

"It's not," he says, rubbing the back of his neck as he makes a face - Michelle watching as he eyes the couch - Peter currently in the bathroom.

"You know, I don't know how comfortable I am with the idea of leaving you two here alone."

"Dad," Michelle whispers, feeling the hot prickle of embarrassment crawling up and down her spine - not just at his tone and the look in his eye but at the knowledge that Peter being in the bathroom meant nothing when he had super hearing that could help him hear halfway down to Manhattan if he put his mind to it.

"I'm not foolish enough to think that you're not already..." he makes a face and then waves his hand, Michelle absolutely wanting to just die on the spot as he says, "Your mom and I taught you to make these decisions for yourself and I know you're being safe."

A beat.

"You _are_ being safe?"

"Yes, oh my God, dad please--" Michelle says, her dad looking her dead in the eyes - no doubt waiting for an answer.

"Yes we are being safe," Michelle says, mortified not just because Peter was likely hearing every bit of this conversation but because she now deeply understood how Peter felt when this exact scenario had happened to the two of them in the first few months when they were dating, only with May.

For some reason, it hadn't been as embarrassing then as it is now but her dad seems content with her answer - nodding a few times as he says, "Keep it that way. You have too much of a life ahead of you to worry about any of that right now."

He sighs, Michelle just staring at him as he says, "You know I'm really proud of you right?"

"For having safe sex with my boyfriend?" Michelle snarks, only for her dad to roll his eyes.

"No, for being a good kid. You're smart and responsible. Really lucked out with having you in my life."

His words are a lot more sincere and filled with a lot more warmth than she's capable of handling in the moment, not least of which because she hears the water going - signaling that Peter was washing his hands.

"Thanks dad," Michelle quickly says, her dad bringing into her a quick hug before loosening his grip just as Peter walks back in.

"I'm gonna head out but I imagine your aunt wants you home by a certain time?"

"Yes sir," Peter says politely, avoiding Michelle's gaze knowing he was about to lie about the time, "ten pm."

Her dad embarrassingly checks his watch before winking at Michelle and saying, "I trust you not to impregnate my daughter between now and then."

"OKAY TIME TO GO," Michelle says, playfully shoving her dad out of the door - barely catching Peter turn beet red on the couch as her dad laughs.

"Love you, Meesh. I'll text you when I get to the hospital."

"Bye. You're annoying."

"Love you too," he says, Michelle rolling her eyes playfully before saying, "I love you."

She closes the door behind him, locking it then turning back to Peter who looks just as mortified as she feels.

"That was embarrassing."

Peter shrugs, clearly trying to be casual for her benefit as he says, "He's nice."

Michelle bites the inside of her cheeks, taking a deep breath before smiling and leaning off the door as she walks over to the couch.

"So," she begins, picking up the remote and turning it to Netflix.

"So," Peter replies, the air shifting between the two of them at the recognition that this was one of the few times that they had actually spent any length of time together alone since everything had happened.

"What do you wanna watch?"

Michelle sits on the couch, curling her leg under herself before scrolling through her Netflix - choosing something that felt safe and comfortable considering how conflicted she feels in the moment, in more ways than one. 

“You want to watch this?” 

Michelle purses her lips, squinting at Peter as he blinks back at her innocently.

“Yes,” Michelle says, grabbing the bowl of popcorn that she’d made before her dad left and settling between the two of them as a buffer. Peter seems to do a double take, of the popcorn bowl between them and the screen before looking back at her. 

“You’re sure?”

“Have you seen it or something? We can choose another—”

“Oh yeah, definitely. I mean, I think everyone’s see it. I just uh,” Peter says, his ears turning pink as Michelle smirks at him, as he continues, “I just didn’t think you had.”

“Why not?” Michelle asks innocently back, relishing the way Peter’s cheeks now turn bright red as he seems to try and figure out a way to articulate why To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before would be something that’s not only on her List, but already had a thumbs up and a 97% rating.

“Uh, well. I just… I thought you would’ve liked something with more…”

“Murder,” Michelle says with a grin as Peter laughs, grabbing a handful of popcorn before relaxing into the couch cushions.

“Yeah, murder.”

Michelle shrugs, reaching for the remote and pressing play on the screen as Peter watches her carefully. 

“It’s cute,” she says as the movie begins to play, feeling Peter’s stare on her as her eyes stay on the screen. 

It’d been over a month since their “talk” - one that had been just as difficult and just as painful as she had anticipated it being. Peter still carried a hell of a lot of guilt about everything that had happened, but at least had the sense not to try and break up with her again. 

Michelle understood then just as she understood now that for as much as the people around Peter worried about his safety, that worrying about everyone else’s was part of the gig for him too - Peter’s gaze on her reminding her of how he’d looked at her that night as he painfully, quietly whispered of how terrified he was at the chance that he could’ve really hurt her, that he had actually hurt her. 

She tries to push away that memory as she grabs another piece of popcorn, only for her mind to go back to her own side of the conversation anyway as Peter continues to stare. 

Michelle had opened up to Peter in a way that she hadn’t before, taking the step to actually be honest with him and share just how terrifying it’d been to be next to him that night - not just from waking up with his hands wrapped around her neck, but the very real fear of what would’ve happened had he not woken up in time. 

The look on his face as she described her own uneasiness of what the future for them would hold, even the quiet fear that she had there wouldn’t be a future for the two of them, wasn’t something that she wanted to relive - even if she was glad that they had gone there. 

What had been the result was an uneasy agreement, one that made her think just how far the two of them had come since their first argument after his identity had been revealed. 

Peter couldn’t keep trying to hide Spider-Man from her just as Michelle couldn’t keep trying to pretend that none of it bothered her - something that neither of them really knew how to handle properly but neither of them wanted to take the plunge and break up. 

It would be so much easier if they did, Michelle had thought later that night after Peter had left - having actually spent some time with her at her apartment and having dinner with her dad. If they broke up and still tried to stay friends, they would at least prevent themselves from hurting each other more than they already have. A part of Michelle even wondered if they were making the stupid decision to still try and stay together when it was clear that neither of them really knew what they were doing. 

Dating in high school had never been on her radar, much less dating a superhero. It was so much to think about, huge issues and an emotional burden that even for as intuitive and self-reflective as Michelle thinks she is - she’s not really sure she’s able to handle it. 

But there was a stronger, more stubborn part of her that was committed to figuring this out with him - just as Peter seemed just as intent on wanting to keep their romantic relationship going, not just their friendship. 

Yet what it had resulted in was this weird unease that Michelle was beginning to think was worse than what it had been in the two weeks they spent in that weird limbo - having a definitive path in front of them and yet feeling more confused than ever. 

Having him spend more time with her at her apartment was meant to make her feel more comfortable, to have the chance to open up to each other on her terms and not just on his. But Michelle now just feels even more conflicted, her dad’s comments running through her mind paired with the whole other world that the two of them were hiding from him. 

When Michelle doesn’t meet Peter’s gaze, he settles beside her - seeing out of the corner of her eye as he turns the attention back to the screen. Normally when they watch movies together, Peter will throw an arm around her and Michelle will easily settle next to him, the kind of casual intimacy that came from being around someone that you loved. 

Aside from a few cheek kisses here and there and tentative hugs goodbye, Peter hadn’t touched her since that night in the cabin. Michelle hadn’t initiated it either. 

Michelle’s eyes stay focused on the screen, but her mind is elsewhere - the banter between Lara Jean and Peter Kavinsky causing her to think more and more about what kind of longevity the relationship she has with her own Peter could really have. 

Despite what Peter seemed to think, Michelle loved romance - as a genre and as a medium. It was cheesy, predictable and historically had a lot of terrible stereotypes that perpetuated a false interpretation of women, much less people of color. But there was something comforting in the predictableness of it - a world where there was always a guaranteed happy ending, people whose problems would always be solved by the end of the chapter if not the end of the book, a world that made sense and where the stakes were never really that high.

It hits her again and again, watching Lara Jean and Peter start to fall in love that the life that she has with her Peter would never be that simple. She thinks back to how naive she’d been in the first few months they were dating, how casually dismissive she’d been in not caring about the Avengers or the superhero world when all she had was Peter. 

It was hypocritical - to think such a thing and yet to want Peter to share the Spider-Man part of his life with her, just as it was counterproductive to want Peter to want her to trust him when he didn’t give her the chance to even try. 

Unlike the problems and issues that Lara Jean and Peter Kavinsky faced, Peter being Spider-Man made their whole world that much more open and complicated - not just the possibility of intergalactic extinction but the realities of what Peter went out and faced every night as Spider-Man. 

Michelle always considered herself as someone with dreams and goals of her own, not playing second fiddle to someone - even if that someone was as good and as kind as Peter Parker. She’s sure she loves Peter, but Michelle can’t rightfully say she’s totally okay with the idea of being defined as being Spider-Man’s girlfriend. Even if his identity was safely intact now, even if Michelle knows how silly that is - it still bugs her, enough that as Peter and Lara Jean start to fall in love that it makes her resent the fact that Peter is Spider-Man. 

Just as the thought comes, she quickly dismisses it - hating that she thought it but knowing it was true all the same. It was a truth in two forms: the idea that Michelle’s life would be so much easier and so much simpler if Peter wasn’t Spider-Man yet also knowing that if he wasn’t, that Peter wouldn’t be who he was either. 

Her biggest worry should be what normal teenagers think about - making sure they were being safe if they had sex, wondering what their parents thought of each other or even if they were going to go some kind of prom or dance or special place for a date.

Not monsters that threatened intergalactic dominance. Not nightmares that terrorized each other at night. Not the ever-present fear that this was too much and yet not enough. Not the worry that each time one of them left, it might be the last time they ever saw each other. 

Michelle takes a breath that’s shakier than what she intends, Peter immediately noticing it as he whispers, “MJ?”

“I’m sorry,” Michelle says, the air around her suddenly feeling a little too thin and like the walls were closing in - springing off the couch as Peter just stares at her. She backs away for a moment, her chest heaving a few times as she tried to come to grips with herself. 

Peter’s hands raise gently, unmoving from the couch except to sit up slightly - eyes big as saucers as he calmly says, “MJ, it’s okay.”

“I’m fine,” she snaps, feeling the very opposite as she takes another deep, gulping breath. She sees Peter nod carefully a few times, moving slowly into a stand with his hands still raised as he says, “I know. But I need you to breathe okay.” 

“I’m breathing,” Michelle says, even if her breath feels a little short - crossing her arms around herself and holding herself tight as she takes another breath. 

“I’m not moving closer to you. I’m-- I’m staying right here,” Peter says, Michelle’s eyes snapping up to him and seeing a conflict of hurt and ferocity to it - one that Michelle’s mind takes a beat too long to process before she lets out an exhale.

“I’m not scared of you,” she says, her voice a lot quieter and a hell of a lot more vulnerable than she had planned. Peter looks like he doesn’t believe her as he nods a few times, putting on a grim smile as he says, “It’s okay.”

“I’m not,” Michelle says a bit more definitively, forcing herself to stay present in this moment - looking around the room and tangibly reminding herself of where she is. 

Peter’s content to just stand with her, hands still extended as Michelle takes a few deep breaths - arms finally unfurling from around her midsection before resting at her sides. 

They stare at each other for a moment, the movie still playing in the background as if there wasn’t a problem in the world. 

She laughs at that, blinking back a few tears before looking at Peter - who looks a little lost and like he was ready to jump out of his skin.

“I’m not scared of you,” she says with a bit more bite to her voice, standing up a little straighter. But she doesn’t make a move towards him just yet, just as Peter stays exactly where he is as she continues, “I’m scared of what’s gonna happen to us.”

Peter looks broken at that, his hands coming down before he quietly whispers back, “Me too.” 

They stare at each other again, only a few feet separating them yet it feeling as if the distance was greater - Michelle watching as he shifts his weight back and forth before saying, “If you want me to go then--”

“That’s just it,” Michelle says, cutting him off as Peter looks back at her. “I don’t. Want you to go, I mean.”

Michelle’s hit with a wave of insecurity, biting the inside of her cheek before asking, “Unless you want to leave?”

“No,” Peter’s quick to say, shaking his head quickly. “I don’t.” 

He wrings his hands together, looking down at them as he says, “I’m terrified I’m gonna hurt you again.”

A part of Michelle wants to say that he wouldn’t, but she knows that’s a lie. Accident or not, he _had_ hurt her - just as she knows that even if that never happened ever again, Peter being Spider-Man would always put the two of them at risk, much less the normal relationship stuff. 

He picks at the skin between his thumb and his pointer finger before finally looking back up at her, grinding his teeth together before saying, “I don’t know what to do.”

“Me neither,” Michelle says, Peter huffing out a laugh as she smiles. 

She takes a tentative step forward, Peter freezing as she does. 

“I’m not scared of you,” Michelle says again, Peter just looking at her carefully as he brings his hands down. “I’m not. I’m just… it’s gonna take me some time.” 

Peter looks hurt by that but nods, Michelle taking another step forward. She knows that Peter’s not going to take the initiative here and a part of Michelle wonders just how healthy this is to try and test her boundaries when she’d refused professional help.

As Peter and Lara Jean fight back and forth on screen, arguing about something that Michelle wishes was her biggest problem, she thinks back to the offer the Stark’s gave about the psychiatrist. 

She was adamant in her refusal to use their money for that but it hits her then that it was not telling her dad that bothered her more. He tried his best and he wasn’t always there, but he was her dad - someone who should know more about this part of her life as much as it terrified her. 

There was a part of her that worried that if he knew the truth, that he wouldn’t want her to be around Peter at all - not just because of what happened but by virtue of him being Spider-Man at all. But there was another part of Michelle that was self-aware enough to recognize that if her and Peter even had a chance of making this work, in any way, he had to be there to help her heal. 

Michelle looks at Peter, seeing the expectant look on his face as she says “I miss you.”

Peter smiles, his eyes watery as he says, “I miss you too.”

He shifts his weight back and forth, looking as if he wants to say something but is holding back when she finally asks, “What?”

“I really, really want to kiss you right now,” he says before biting his lips, Michelle feeling her stomach do a flip at his words - a flip that she can’t decide if it’s fear or desire as he says, “But I don’t think I should.”

“I really want to,” Michelle says, everything in her wanting to just to rush forward like it was a movie - throw her hands around him, kiss him senseless and lead him to her bedroom. But it isn’t a movie, her life being a hell of a lot more complicated than the drama that Lara Jean and Peter faced. 

What she does instead is sit down, biting the inside of her cheek as she says, “I’m just not ready yet.”

“That’s okay,” Peter says quickly, carefully going to sit on his side of the couch before freezing, “Is this okay?”

Michelle nods, smiling at him as he settles back on the couch - looking at her carefully as she summons up the bravery to say, “I want to tell my dad. About everything.” 

Peter doesn’t look surprised by that, his face solemn as he nods and says, “Yeah. I uh, I talked to May and she… she thought the same thing.”

He makes a face, one that makes her want to laugh when he says, “Mr. Stark hadn’t told her what happened. When I finally did she was… pretty pissed.” 

Michelle can’t help but laugh, if only because the image of May Parker going to bat with Tony Stark on her behalf filled her with equal measure of joy and love as Peter continues, “She knew something was going on with you but didn’t know… everything.”

She looks into Peter’s eyes and sees the guilt once again in his eyes, watching as he swallows something down in his throat as he says, “I should’ve told her.” 

Michelle doesn’t say anything to that, Peter shaking his head a few times as he said, “But that was my fault. I’m… I want you to feel safe, MJ. And if telling your dad is what you want--”

“I know it’s a big deal for you,” Michelle interjects, leaning against the couch and facing him a little more fully, “I know this is a huge secret--”

“It is,” Peter says, nodding once before taking a deep breath, “But it doesn’t just affect me. It affects you.”

He looks at her with a hopeful expression on his face, one that causes her stomach to twist into knots in the best way as he says, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Michelle says, easily and freely - that feeling not changing despite the turmoil of everything else that she feels twisting around in her gut. Peter looks almost relieved to hear that, a smile on his face that only grows brighter when Michelle reaches a hand across the couch for him - Peter looking down at it and then back to her face before gently slipping it into hers. 

Peter and Lara Jean on screen go back and forth but all Michelle can focus on is her Peter, the life that they share and the obstacles still in their way. Michelle knows that there’s so much more for them to discuss, not just practically but emotionally. This thing between them, the reality of what Spider-Man meant as the third person in their relationship - something that she feels she’s only just grasping the full effects of - was something that wasn’t going to be solved in one conversation. 

Yet for all her fears that this would be the end of their relationship, Michelle can’t help but feel a little lighter at finally sharing her fears with Peter - tonight feeling just one more step towards something lasting, something real. 

When she first started dating Peter, all she cared about was him - thinking that the world of the Avengers was not only beyond her but boring, useless and something she didn’t care about. 

Michelle knows now that it was naive to think that, just as it was naive to think that their declaration to each other now would be enough. 

Despite it, Michelle can’t help but feel a little hope that the conversations they were having, the work that they were going to do and the steps they were going to take wouldn’t spell the end of their relationship.

Michelle squeezes his hand gently, Peter smiling as he does the same. 

Maybe it was only just the beginning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost a year later but it's finished! Thanks to everyone who stuck it out with me till the end <3

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to scream at me in the comments. Or come hangout with me on [tumblr](Https://seek-rest.tumblr.com)


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